The Beautiful Kind

All righty folks, here’s our first victim of the “Why Am I Not Getting Laid” inquisition. I’ll cull information gathered from the questionnaire he filled out and give my assessment. (Comedy porn pics that accompany this post have been lifted from this site.)

Name: Dobri, Male, 24
Do you want to fuck men, women, or both: Women only
Last time you got laid: 9 months ago
Where do you live? Sofia, Bulgaria
Your living arrangement: I live alone in a rented apt
Job situation: Two part time jobs that I do from home. I’m a web programmer. I do enjoy them.
Fashion sense (what do you usually wear?): Shirt and pants or sweater and blue jeans. I like my clothes simple and elegant.
Grooming habits (how often do you bathe? do you wear cologne?): I bathe at least once per two days. If I’m to get out I definitely have at least a shower. I also shave without leaving moustaches or anything else. I don’t use aftershave, but I use perfume and deodorant (depends if I’m gonna meet people and who am I meeting).
Do you floss regularly?: I brush, I don’t like flossing. And again, it’s important to me that I look and smell good while I’m around people. I don’t brush after every meal, but I often use cleaning gum for my teeth.
Do you smoke?: I did, then I quit for 3 years, then few months ago started again cause I was bored. Currently - yes.
Hobbies: Luxury, strange objects, science, creating ideas.
Sports (do you play/watch? how often?): Unfortunately I don’t play sports. Since I’m not born in the city I live in, I don’t have that many friends that I can go out and play with
Do you exercise regularly?: Again, unfortunately no, cause I don’t have someone to keep me company.
Do you have many close friends of your own gender?: No, not really. Maybe 2 or 3.
Do you have many close friends of the opposite gender?: Three max and they’re not even that close. Except maybe one.
How many people (of your target gender) do you currently know that you would like to fuck? What are the obstacles with each one (why aren’t you fucking them?): Two. The one is childish and has the Peter Pan complex (afraid to grow up) and doesn’t trust men. For her fucking is not a pleasure, but more of an obligation. She has a hard time reaching an orgasm and I personally know how to overcome this, but she’s very hard to reach. The other one lives in another country, but she’s very into me (as far as that is possible).
What kind of porn do you like?: Comedy! Anything that has a good story. It doesn’t even have to be porn, erotica is ok too.
What’s your fetish? What turns you on?: Very short skirts, lingerie, female uniforms (schoolgirl, nurse, etc.).
Are you dom or sub (do you like taking charge or following orders? If rope was involved in sex, would you be tied up or do the tying?): I enjoy being both, but mostly I’m in control.
On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate yourself when it comes to physical appearance (1 is hideous, 10 is model)?: 7.
Using that same scale, what’s the minimum number you expect your partner to be?: 6.
Last place you went on vacation: St. Vlas, Black Sea. It wasn’t that much of a vacation either, rather than to get out of the city for couple of days. I don’t remember my last real vacation.
Financial situation: I can afford living by myself, sometimes paying a little bit more for something that I like, always either ordering food or eating out, getting the bill when I’m out with a girl (doesn’t matter if she’s a friend or not).
Your thoughts on breeding (have kids, wants kids, would you date someone who had kids?): I do one day want to have kids, but maybe in 2-3 years from now. I always thought that moms are especially hot, that they have some special spark and I would date a mom, but never to lead to something serious.
Person you respect/admire: none.
Past relationship history (how many serious relationships have you had, how many times have you been in love): I didn’t have one serious relationship (the longest lasted 4 months). Only once I broke up with a girl, every other time I was the one being dumped. I’ve been in love many times, I fall easily (if the girl is right) and get out hardly.
Weird habit: can’t think of anything.

The Beautiful Kind’s verdict: Well, this one was easy. Dobri, you need to get out more. You live in a huge city, but you live alone, you work at home, don’t have many friends, you can’t remember the last time you went on a proper vacation. STEP AWAY FROM THE COMPUTER. Take a class, join a group (not online!) Where do sexy single moms hang out in Bulgaria? I’ve seen pics of you - you’re adorable, cute and sexy and have good fashion sense. Your 7 self rating is accurate and it’s nice that you would be OK with being slightly better looking than your partner. You should quit smoking and start flossing. Once you get used to it, it’s not so bad. You have a terrific sense of humor but lack awareness of a few key things. EVERYONE has weird habits, Dobri. I wish I could hang out with you for a weekend so I could list yours for you. I’d follow you around your apartment wearing glasses and taking notes on a clipboard. Readers, do you have anything to add?

Why aren’t you getting laid? Request a questionnaire and get in line. love [at] thebeautifulkind . com