The Beautiful Kind

What should every good sex toy box have on hand?

- Glass dildo (the glass dildo will be explained in more detail in the next “Ask The Slut.”)
- Hitachi Magic Wand (DUH! easily the most used toy I own)
- iRabbit or similar penetration/clit stim vibe (Clitopatra, Rabbit Habit, Dolphin, Sea Goddess, Sally Seal…)
- Pocket rocket (though this should generally be in your purse at all times)
- Regular vibrator (eh, make it waterproof)
- Egg shaped vibrator (for those hard to reach moments)
- Butt plug, 3 sizes
- Lube (Wet, Astroglide, those new KY jelly brands that suggest intimacy and not a rectal thermometer)
- Silk scarves, ties or rope (snag the ugliest ties you can find at a thrift store. Perfectly good rope can be found at the hardware store)
- Bandanna for blindfold (note: color matters hee hee - watch for a future post for more details)
- Pussy barbell (this has some serious heft to it and is good for tightening up the ol’ snatch, unless you’re fine with doing Kegals at your desk at work)
- Sex toy cleaner (in case you want to share with friends)
- Cum rags (monogrammed optional)
- Birth control (foam, condoms, a picture of your mom juggling dead kittens)
- Massage oil
- Candles
- Kama Sutra honey dust (made of honeysuckle and honey, I like sprinkling it on my neck, tits, belly, thighs ahead of time, or you can incorporate the anointment into foreplay. It lasts a long time and tastes and smells delicious)
- Erotica/porn

Extras:

- rubber duckie or Hello Kittie vibrator
- sacrilegious sex toys (like Jackhammer Jesus, Virgin Mary dildo, or Baby Jesus butt plug, all sure to make you scream OH GOD)
- Smartballs (these are just fun)

You can do without:

- Cock rings (I have a set of these and have offered them to various guys for use, and they all decline. Are cock rings a gay thing? Does anyone actually use them?)
- Novelty flavored lubes (cute idea, but it seems like all your sex partners don’t like the chemically too sweet taste)
- Any rubber or plastic toy that stinks up the whole room with its chemical presence (even if it won’t give you cancer from exposing it to your delicate tissues, it smells toxic and unsexy)
- G-spot stimulaters (I’ve bought three different kinds, and have found fingers or glass work the best)
- Super gimicky vibrators (I had one that lit up and I thought it was sooo cool and Star Wars, but it didn’t last long at all)
- Anal numb, pussy tightening, or cock desensitizer cream (all gross or useless)

On my wish list:

- The Cone (pink has never looked so pleasing)
- Strap on (my friend got one for her birthday last month - me=jealous, but I think she’ll let me use it on her)
- Glass butt plug (doesn’t just the thought of shoving glass up your ass make you feel punk and edgy?)
- Non-leather flogger (preferably in a pretty color - my guy says he thinks he can make one out of parachute cord!)

Where to go to shop online:

Smitten Kitten
Babes in Toyland
Glass Fantasy

Finally, what kind of box should you use for your toys? I like using those big, sturdy, flowery boxes or hat boxes that were clearly meant for older women to store their neck scarves or potpourri. The irony of something so old fashioned and staid housing perverted items meant to infiltrate my cunt appeals to me. Make sure and get something big enough so you have room to grow. Now that we’ve gotten into ropes and bondage stuff, we keep a separate crate for all that.