The Beautiful Kind

Dear Slut,
I’ve tasted almost every girl I’ve been with. I love eating them, knowing that I’m giving them pleasure. Hell, sometimes I get so turned on about it that I almost finish myself while tonguing them.

Of course, my last girlfriend was no exception - I went down on her the first night we met. She was bold down there, just the way I like it. She was already wet, but something strange occured to me - her juices were very, very salty. That was a huge turn-off for me, but I finished her anyway.

My question is, what should a guy do when his lady’s liquids aren’t tasting very good? I tried spitting on her cunt and it kinda worked, but by the look on her face I could tell it was gross for her.
- The spitting camel who wants a low-sodium diet

Dear Lo-So,
I wish I could have been a fly on the wall watching that quick fix!

How hot of you to get off on eating pussy so much. Gold star for you. And you finished Ms. Salty up despite being turned off. Military Medal for you. Truth is, I would hate for someone to suffer through oral with me and would rather them speak up so I can rectify the situation and make it good for both of us.

Now should you say, “Your pussy is so rank it’s making my eyes water, go boil it” ? Or even “You smell down there, go take care of it” ? Of course not, but you could speak up in a gentle, less threatening way (I realize it’s harder to be frank with someone you don’t know well.) You could say something like, “You taste a bit soapy from the last time you washed, would you mind rinsing off a bit?”

She might be taken aback but will probably go take care of it (if she gets all offended and the night is ruined, well she’s hypersensitive and needs to chill out, sorry my advice spoiled your evening.) When she gets back be sure and give her lots of positive attention, start over, kiss her, work your way back to the apex of her legs and make sure she knows how much you love being there.

I’ll bet Ms. Salty wasn’t quite expecting to get to Third Base with you since it was your first date, so she might not have been prepared. If I think there’s a good chance someone is going to be messing with my pussy, I rinse off first, cuz I get funky just from sitting around all day. It’s good to take a preventative approach. (Just out of curiosity I wonder if you ate her again after that and how that went.)

And a shout out to all the folks out there who ate me when I was not-so-fresh and suffered through it - you get a Military Medal too. And now you know it’s OK to speak up next time!

PS: The site I snagged the photo from is a real trip. Start at the bottom and work your way up.

Send your salty questions to love [at] thebeautifulkind . com