My Wedding Faux Pas
Filed under: Eros - November 7, 2007 @ 5:52 am
I was at my friend S’s Jewish wedding the other day, standing next to a woman I went to high school with who I hadn’t seen her in years. I figured she was cool, since we used to hang out a lot and make marzipan together, so as the wedding concluded and S walked down the aisle of the synagogue, I turned to the high school chum and whispered wryly, “You know why a Jewish bride smiles so much on her wedding day, don’t you?”
She grinned, puzzled, and said, “Why?”
With a mischievous glint in my eye, I delivered the punchline. “Because she’s thinking, ‘I never have to give another blow job again!’”
Immediately high school woman’s face fell, and she stammered all horrified, “This isn’t the appropriate place for that!”
True, we were in a holy place filled with old Jewish people with moist eyes and children, but they weren’t paying attention. And are you kidding?! We were in a sanctuary at a Jewish wedding - the PERFECT place for such a joke. And geez, it was just a joke. My friend S is a total cocksucker (why that term is considered negative is beyond me - it should be a term of endearment.)
I said, “Oh come on, you’re from San Francisco, aren’t you all down with that?”
“We’re more P.C. out there, actually,” she said huffily.
Oops.
A week later when I told S about my gaffe, she laughed and said primly, “I’ve given six blow jobs since then.”
Mazel Tov!
November 7th, 2007 at 9:36 am
See. She doesn’t have to. But she likes to do it anyway (:
By the way.
Q: Do You know the difference between an orthodox, a conservative and a reform jewish wedding?
A: On the orthodox wedding the brides mother is pregnant. On the conservative wedding the bride is pregnant. And on a reform wedding the rabbi is (:
And I totally agree. I guess this wasn’t an orthodox wedding, so a synagoge is a very good place for jokes.
Mazel Tov!
(jewish guy from Hungary)
November 7th, 2007 at 1:55 pm
If this is who I think it is that you mentioned it to, I’m horrified that she was horrified! Sometimes San Francisco people are TOO p.c. for their own good. I would have laughed.
Of course, had you mentioned it to me, I would have just said “Yeah, but we all know S likes to give head. I mean, who doesn’t?”
November 7th, 2007 at 3:09 pm
Nothing like the condescending disapproval line she spat out at you - so to speak.
I think she could have at least given you a “oooh, that’s too scandalous for me” look and polite laugh. Her response should have been better than that,especially since she herself is a cocksucker.
Being our here in BC Canada, there is not a huge jewish population, however, i still laugh at myself when i refer to a golf ball retriever as a “jewish one iron”, or a failing business being engulfed by flames as “jewish lightning” or a cash register as a “jewish piano”. I truly enjoy a good racial generalization - who doesn’t really other than Al Sharpton…and even he probably tends to generalize about the honky population.
November 7th, 2007 at 5:15 pm
I don’t see the reason behind “On the orthodox wedding the brides mother is pregnant”.
November 7th, 2007 at 6:04 pm
Because orthodox women follow the biblical commandment to “be fruitful and multiply.” It’s not uncommon to see orthodox families with 6-10 kids. If a woman gets married at 18 (also not uncommon among the orthodox), she can pop one out every 1-2 years, and easily have at least 10 kids by the time she’s 40. I should say this is the “ultra-orthodox.” Modern orthodox would have a more conservatively small family of up to 6 kids.
November 7th, 2007 at 8:36 pm
You _have got_ to be kidding me.
If anyone follows The Bible letter by letter it’s catholics, not orthodox. Our religion is much more liberal than what the pope preaches. It is very, very uncommon to see an orthodox woman to have so many children.
I don’t want to say anything else, cause I got really angry and I might say something that’ll offend people, but do be careful of what you people say - get your facts straight. I bet you don’t want me to generalize that all americans are stupid now do you?
November 7th, 2007 at 11:45 pm
I’m not kidding. If anyone follows the Bible letter by letter, I would say (and the Orthodox by definition would agree) it is the ones to whom the Torah was originally given.
Wikipedia gives a good general definition of Orthodox Judaism (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Orthodox_Judaism):
“Orthodox Judaism is the formulation of Judaism that adheres to a relatively strict interpretation and application of the laws and ethics first canonized in the Talmudic texts (”Oral Torah”) and as subsequently developed and applied by the later authorities known as the Gaonim, Rishonim, and Acharonim.
“Orthodox Judaism’s central belief is that the Torah, including both the Written Law and the Oral Torah, was given directly from God to Moses and can never be altered or rejected in any way. As a result, all Jews are required to live in accordance with the Commandments and Jewish law.”
I would caution you to be careful who you accuse of not having their facts straight :). I grew up in an Orthodox Jewish family and community. I also spent a year in Israel, so I know a LOT about the ultra-orthodox Jews. They get married very young, quite often from an arranged marriage, and they start having kids right away.
I wouldn’t have a problem generalizing about most Americans being stupid (probably true, considering who they voted into the White House).
I’m not really sure what I said that was offensive to you, but it certainly wasn’t intended. You asked for an explanation of the joke, which was based on a generalization of different Jewish groups…My explanation may have been a bit crass to explain the joke, but it was all based on my personal experiences and knowledge of Orthodox Judaism, which can easily be verified with a little research by anyone who’s interested.
November 8th, 2007 at 1:58 am
This is me, laughing my butt off because there is a discussion about Jewish theology on thebeautifulkind.com
November 8th, 2007 at 9:12 am
Me too!!! God I love you guys. So much thoughtful discourse! It’s fun to see what direction the comments will take. And 90% of Americans are stupid, so thank goodness we have some international input.
November 8th, 2007 at 10:12 am
moonbeam, I guess there’s been a misunderstanding - I thought you were talking about orthodox christianity, not judaism. On this I agree with you - they do follow their canons very close.
\/
November 8th, 2007 at 3:32 pm
this post was all about jews, silly
we can deal with the christians later!