The Beautiful Kind

Dear Cunt, (fine, that works too)
Is the Hare Krishna teaching below meant to condone oral sex with young boys? Also please, does believing in God elevate pederasty to a holy act? As a religious fanatic and sexologist, I thought that you might share your insight into this matter and I have a flower garland.

Let the poets continue to rave about poetry, and let the Vedic scholars incessantly praise the nectar derived from brahman realization. I myself will take shelter of a beautiful youth who is decorated with a garland made of wildflowers, holding a flute to His blossoming lips.
Isvara Puri
Padyavali 35.36

For more wisdom on the science of Krishna consciousness, visit the Teachings section at krishna.com/teachings.

Finally please indicate whether you masturbate contemporaneously while working on the column and if this query puts you into a state of erotic religious fervor.
-Seeking your wisdom

Dear Smart Ass,
While I think you might be reading a bit too much into this quote, you do make a valid point: All religion is whack, not just Christianity. Anyway, you can take that same quote and wonder if it refers to bestiality and sucking a bull’s penis - i.e., when they say “brahman,” do they mean a member of the highest class of Hindus, or are they talking about a grayish, heat-resistant breed of Indian cattle?

Believing in God makes pederasty and other grave missteps easier because instead of tuning into your own internal moral compass to get a sense of what is right or wrong, you just do what you want and then pray for forgiveness or somehow justify it by interpreting the teaching spoonfed to you the way you want.

I only masturbate to the good letters.

PS: If you’d like to further explore the whole Krishna boy-love idea, check out the first Hare Krishna Boy Scout Troop and how one of their members made it to the top. Note how the left-handed handshake photo has been removed from the page…hmmm?

PS2: Send queries or screeds of worship to love [at] thebeautifulkind . com