Dear Slut,
I’ve been dating a new guy. After a few dates we ended up tumbling in bed. I’m not into having sex early in relationships, though I am into doing just about anything else early in a relationship. I let him know that I wasn’t going to go all the way with him right away.
He went down on me, I came, then I went down on him - something I really like to do to a guy. He was centimeters from coming; it was apparent, then he stopped me. WHY would a guy stop a girl blowing him at a critical point like this? I don’t get it.
Also, after he stopped me, I suggested we mutually masturbate and he wasn’t into it. Is he just square? I need to know now, before I do decide to have sex with him because I need a guy who’s open sexually and I’m worried that he isn’t.
Just Cum Already
Dear Frustrated,
First of all, let’s give him “ladies first” points and acknowledge that he was down with going down on you. That’s a biggie. Did you talk about sex ahead of time? I’m thinking maybe he wasn’t sure if he could cum in your mouth, and then when you suggested mutual masturbation, he was off his game and that might have even caught him off guard. Surprisingly, a lot of men have a hard time masturbating in front of someone, and it’s something they need to work through.
The first time I did the orgasm thing with my guy, I had mine and then casually asked if he wanted to get off, too. He said no, which I thought was weird. We talked about it later and it turns out my directness freaked him out, as well as the thought of jacking off in front of me - it was all new to him. That was five months ago. Now look at us - I have to wear protective goggles to bed for godsake.
I’m thinking your guy sounds considerate and hasn’t had the chance to get freaky, but lucky him, he met you. So have a nice talk over cocktails and find out what he likes, what he’s done, what was on his mind the other day, and give it another go. I think he has potential, but take it slow when introducing him to the good stuff and keep the lines of communication open. If he has trouble talking about sex, that’s a sign that he’s square and needs to be put out to the vanilla pasture. God I’m so proud of myself - I gave the dude the benefit of the doubt. Do report back with an update!
Send your down-n-dirty questions to love [at] thebeautifulkind . com
“Cougar. I thought that word was invented for me. I don’t want to be anybody’s anything ever again in my life. [But] I don’t mind being perceived as somebody’s older woman, sometime-girlfriend.”
A friend of mine told me about a turning point in his relationship with his girlfriend of 3 years - once while they were having sex, in an act of passion he covered her face with his hand. Immediately she froze and said with alarm, “What are you doing?”
