The Beautiful Kind

Sitting around at the Burlesque show people watching the other night, I came up with this list*:

HOT

Herringbone - Retro and sophisticated

Fishnets - If you’ve ever ran your hand up and down a person’s leg wearing them, it goes without saying

The awesome vintage pink cupcake dress -
* Best costume award *

Plaid - So autumn

Polka dots - So cute

Argyle - So sexynerdy

Stripes - So bold

Converse - Anyone can wear them and instantly become 20% sexier

Silver - Stylish, duh

Glasses - Fuck laser surgery

Buttondown shirts - Maddening

Snapshirts - Even more so

Braids - Tug on ‘em, hang on ‘em, fondle ‘em, unbraid ‘em

Beards - Tis the season!

UJeans - finally, jeans that fit because you said so

————

NOT

Leopard print - We’ve already covered this one

Feather boas - Only because they are the by-product of factory farms (I avoid leather, too, so no leather jackets either)

Vans - OK, 80% of them

Jean jackets - Not even if you’re hot

Gold - Not even teeth

Vests - Not even with fringe

Stupid facial hair - You know, like having whacked out chop sideburns or that supergroomed metrosexual facial hair line sculpting nonsense. Wolverine is exempt from this one.

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* Bear in mind that I was a 34-year-old woman wearing pigtails, purple bat tights, hand-me-down Fluevog boots, and a heckuvalotta my beau’s dead wife’s sparkly costume jewelry.