The Beautiful Kind

I saw a full-page ad in the NYTimes with that header and my first thought was: how stupid. The ad screamed:

THEIR GREATEST HITS PLUS THEIR AMAZING NEW ALBUM PERFORMED IN ITS ENTIRETY!

STYLES CHANGE. STYLE DOESN’T.

UNIQUE… EXTRAORDINARY… DURAN DURAN ON BROADWAY

Whatever.

Once upon a time I thought they were superhot and they had my panties in a bunch for two summers. My friend and I would write crude erotica featuring them, and we could never decide who the female star in the story should fuck, so we’d usually just pass her around in accidental gang bang fashion, like she’d slip into a dark closet to fuck John but - oops! - the wrong guy would follow her inside and it was really Simon’s sperm trickling down her leg as she emerged - seriously! I knew about spoo leakage before I got my period. I’m kindof proud of that.

Anyway, despite STYLE not changing, I grew up and Duran Duran didn’t. Look at these pics! At least they outgrew their British mullets.

I hear Simon gets drunk out in public all the time and embarrasses his model-wife, and pitches a fit when the ice in his drink isn’t purified. And the name of their new album? Red Carpet Massacre. How dumb is that? They’re still obsessed with tussling with models. Dorks.