The Beautiful Kind

My girlfriend sent me the strangest email the other day:

OK I’m not sure what’s in this tea that’s doing this to me…but this “Rejuvenation” green tea from Yogi Teas makes me think about giving half the guys I see head (and that’s a lot more than usual!!)

I noticed it about a week ago on the bus that I just started having random thoughts about wanting to suck on these stranger’s penises. Then I thought about this tea I’ve been drinking…hmm must be a connection. It’s supposed to be a mood booster. Well, it’s boosting something!

I checked the benefits of drinking the tea, and sure enough, it’s good for:

• Low Energy
• Effects of Environmental Toxins
• Promotes All-Around Health
• Improves Immune System Response
• Turns You Into A Cocksucking Maniac

Wow! OK I added that last bullet. Nonetheless, I ran out to buy some for myself at wholesome Whole Foods, and have been drinking it the past few days. I offered some to my man, but Mr. Straight Guy didn’t want to take any chances, hmf! Sure I’ve been sucking cock plenty, but I can’t say I’ve had the urge to suck any stranger’s cocks (except Wolverine.) OK that’s not true, I’m always thinking about perverted stuff. Speaking of, maybe I should be giving myself tea enemas?

Conclusion: The tea did not make me any freakier. It didn’t even give me more energy. Meanwhile, I don’t know what’s up with my girlfriend, but if you want to arrange a tea party with her, let me know.