The Beautiful Kind

Dear Slut,
Which superhero would you like to do you?
- From One Of Your Geekiest Fans

Dear Geek,
Oooh I had soo much fun calling my horror movie/comic book expert friend and pumping him for info for this post! I’m just going to go with male superheros, so that leaves Wonder Woman out (don’t worry, she’ll get a post of her own later.)

Green Arrow - It would be fun to teach this environmentalist, social justice, womanizing, renegade, billionaire superdude a thing or two, but he’s blonde and I can’t do blonde guys. Even if they wear tights.

Green Lantern - A hero who upholds the law, patrols the universe, and possesses a ring with power that is based on his will and imagination - yawn. Come on, a RING?! He’s like a comic book GROOM.

Batman - Nah, even though he has a good costume, is bisexual (he’s totally doing Robin AND that butler), is loaded and has a cave.

Captain America - No, too…American.

Superman - Again, too red white and blue, though it is cool that he wears tights. More men should wear tights.

Spiderman - You know, this post just made me remember that when I was a kid I used to make out with this Spiderman bust piggy bank we had lying around the basement. Can you say desperate and horny at age 8? So no, Spiderman is too 1982 for me.

Mr. Fantastic from Fantastic Four - He can stretch any body part, which has intriguing possibilities, but can you imagine this guy fisting you?!

Incredible Hulk - How does it go, the hornier he gets, the stronger he gets? The clothes ripping action is pretty hot, and I don’t mind green one bit, but I’ve dated too many men who had this Jeckyll/Hyde thing going on, so I’ll pass.

The Flash - The fastest man alive, does that mean he cums really fast or can fuck really fast or lick the clit really fast? Better not risk it, I’ll just have him eat me.

Wolverine - A mutant, crazy animalistic badass who has the ability to heal from any wound quickly - I guess that means I don’t have to worry about giving him STDs (though he might give me rabies). I should probably stay away from him when I’m on the rag - he seems rather bloodthirsty.

So yes, claws down, I pick Wolverine. Wouldn’t we look hot together? Plus if he tied me up he could release me from my bonds quickly with those sharpies of his. And I’ll work on getting him a better costume - yellow and blue? I don’t think so. He needs black and red, or something brown with texture.

Send your serious or not-so-serious queries to love [at] thebeautifulkind . com