Fuck This Pretentious Shit
Filed under: Vexed - October 7, 2007 @ 1:06 pm
I’ve decided that I don’t like any restaurant that plays Frank Sinatra music. That guy’s phony music goes right along with the phoniness of everything else they have going on (I know, I know, I sound like Holden Caulfield in Catcher in the Rye.)
Last night I went to Maggiano’s for a pre-wedding party (the wedding will be next weekend, and I’m actually looking forward to it as opposed to the usual dread because the person getting married is one of my oldest friends and not some acquaintance AND there will be belly dancers galore).
I was completely grossed out by the yuppie crawl scene at that stupid new Boulevard they set up across from the Galleria (first of all, it doesn’t feel like St. Louis, it feels like some Chicago or Kansas City cheap knock off, and second of all, it should have been built downtown and not out in the goddamn county).
I arrived a few minutes early, so I sat outside the restaurant on a we’re-so-down-with-the-harvest bale of hay and sulkily watched all the fucking snotty people mince by in their pointy spike hells - I mean, heels, all dolled up and showing off their perfectly coordinated designer outfits. You could almost smell the insecurity on the women as they played dress up, all heavily made up and clutching their impractical purses. Meanwhile, the men would saunter by cockily wearing slacks and tassel loafers. But my god someone let a hayseed slip by - I also saw a woman in jeans and Crocs pass through, but she was carrying a PF Cheng’s leftover bag, so that fits.
It pisses me off that this fancy chain creates atmosphere by stealing other people’s genealogy and plastering copies of autographed celebrity pics everywhere, as if to suggest that they are the destination of choice for every famous person who has paraded through St. Louis (yeah, right) the past forty years with a craving for veal and spaghetti. Who are they trying to kid? The place is two years old. It’d be cool if they went for a more realistic approach and decorated with pictures of slaughterhouse scenes and images of shit-smeared calves in crates straining wild-eyed against the chain that’s immobilizing them.
PS: I also hate restaurants that have “saddle of rabbit” on the menu. These restaurants also often feature “sweetbreads.” Barf.
October 7th, 2007 at 1:53 pm
I like Frank Sinatra’s music a lot. I love everything that is the Brat Pack era. So phooey to you!
Re: The boulevard? I don’t think it is so bad. It’s better than the typical County generica style, you know?
October 7th, 2007 at 3:58 pm
Amen, sister, amen. Those places are even worse when they shove a Borders in there. I love Borders, I just hate giving middle-class social climbers one more thing to feel superior about.
Fuck Thomas Pynchon!
October 8th, 2007 at 7:42 am
Great post! The Boulevard sucks, as do themed restaurants. I was in Borders yesterday and got the feeling I wanted to throw up it was so repulsive. I ran out wanting only to go to Left Bank Books and beg forgiveness.
October 8th, 2007 at 11:19 am
I love all bookstores. The big, the small, the locals and the chains. They are filled with BOOKS and books are wonderful no matter where you find them.
October 9th, 2007 at 12:52 pm
Love Sinatra…his music makes me feel good…
I’m completely oblivious to the blvd. Didn’t even know it existed. Sounds like it fits in well with the rest of the snotty, generic, class-less places in St. Louis County.
October 15th, 2007 at 1:36 pm
Fuck all these county haters! I mean, not defending Maggiano’s, but I’m not going to crap all over one of the first attempts outside of the city limits to go for a pedestrian, non-mall vibe. Of course, old Kirkwood is WAY better.
October 17th, 2007 at 9:31 am
Perhaps you’d like to live in New Town?
http://www.newtownatstcharles.com/
YIKES!!!!!