The Beautiful Kind

Trick or treat! This is The Beautiful Kind’s version of the threesome date I mentioned last week. (I have to say three is a good number for me, right down to my date of birth: 3-23-73.) Next we’ll hear from my beau and girlfriend, too!

My girlfriend showed up at our place and we all drove to dinner together. We had Tibetan food and sat in the front window of the restaurant. My gf asked what bra I was wearing, so I showed her (oh fine, I’ll show you, too. It was this one). Over dinner we discussed safe words (mine is “bluebird,” and I haven’t had to use it yet.) Afterwards we went right down the street to the City Museum to get our flirt on.

We entered the building with all three of us holding hands, and this is pretty much the point when my beau got hard and remained that way until Sunday morning. I thought that was cute, it was like being with a high school boy.

Running around the City Museum was SUCH fun, and it got especially good when we met up with some friends and they showed us their secret make out spot in the Enchanted Caves. We went back there and my beau and my gf kissed for the first time. Now I don’t know about you, but I just looove watching my partner get it on with other people, so sexy. Before we re-emerged from the hidey hole, my guy said to her, “Take your shirt off and give it to me.”

“What?!” she gasped.

“You can keep your coat and bra on,” he allowed.

I thought for sure she would refuse his order, but to my surprise she took her coat off and let him pull her shirt over her head and handed it over! Her bra was gorGEOUS, filmy and blue and brown and stripey and lacy, very retro. She put her coat back on and we headed back down to the crystal (so folks, she’s not wearing her shirt in the pic of them kissing at the crystal.)

So they made out at the crystal and I giddily took pics, knowing that things were really going to heat up once we left the party. As we walked back to the car, he kept undoing her coat one button at a time, which might sound tame to people like me, but my gf is a more private person (fuck, Anna Nicole Smith is more private than me) , so she was keenly embarrassed to be exposed in such a way on a public street, but also turned on by the whole thing.

We drove back to the pussy palace and headed straight up to the bedroom. The sexual energy level was high, and it all felt so natural and good. He bossed her around and they made out. We slowly stripped her (I willingly stripped down to my panties, but she kept her jeans on that night) and we all kissed. Have you ever done a three way kiss? It’s sweet.

My guy and I worshiped her 32E breasts, massaged her, and smacked her ass. We also did a little wrestling - the two of us women tried to pin him down using all our strength, but he smoked us easily. We joked and cuddled until I finally passed out at 2:30am. They kept at it until 4am, kissing, groping, and exploring. It was so hot to drift off to sleep hearing their kissing, moaning, growling, heavy breathing…We never got around to the ropes, but decided to pick up where we left off the following night.

So the next day we went to her place. We brought a boxful of goodies - the rope, scissors, chocolate syrup (never used it) and surprise! my guy pulled out a pair of handcuffs. I’m not much into the cuffs myself, but my gf was totally game, so when we were ready to throwdown my guy stripped her down to her panties and wrestled her to the ground and cuffed her. Then I watched as he did this elaborate rope job on her. By the time he was done with her, she looked like the cover of one of those true crime pulp magazines. (Do you SEE that?! It’s like her arms are framing a work of ART.) We even blindfolded her. I noticed she seemed to relax into her ropes, that she felt zen in bondage, whereas when I’m tied up I tend to struggle and act as if I don’t like doing what I’m being forced to do.

My guy and I were all set to fuck on top of her trussed body but it seemed like that wasn’t the direction she wanted to take it, so we switched gears and we handed her the key so she could uncuff and untie herself. It took her a long time to release herself from the bondage, and we got lazy and lounged around and watched her extract herself from the yards of rope. After a while I passed out and they fooled around a bit more.

By Sunday morning my guy still hadn’t had any release, and he was fit to be tied, so to speak (ha!) We had spent the night cuddling all together on the floor, one on each of his shoulders, but by early morning she had moved to her bed and the two of us were left on the floor. I was dying for penetration so we made out and I crawled on top of him. We didn’t want to wake her, so as silently as possible I rode his cock.

After a bit he rolled me over and got on top of me. The sex was aching and silent, and as he thrust in and out of me, he whispered, “I could cum right now.”

“Do it,” I hissed in his ear, and in record time he unloaded inside me, which was so fucking hot and forbidden, cuz my gf was sleeping in the room and I wasn’t on the pill. Surreal and amazing.

Scottie reading spooky sock monkey ghost stories…

It’s true, the Panty Parade has run its course. I first started out with 52 panties, one a week for a year, but over the months accumulated 73 total (the year I was born, dig it.) In other words, my lingerie drawer runneth over.

Let me know if you want to buy your favorite pair to commemorate a year+ of TBK. $30 includes U.S. postage. I’ll wear them for a day before shipping them off at no extra charge. Off the top of my head I know White Hot and White Wedding are already sold.

One of my favorite sections in the City Museum is a place called Enchanted Caves.

Built within a historic shoe factory’s spiral conveyor tunnel system, with branches burrowing down into the earth and towering 135 feet into the surreal industrial space.

At the bottom of this cave is a huge, glowing crystal that changes colors. Just so you know, there’s a rule that you have to kiss next to it.

Here’s my guy and my girlfriend kissing at the crystal. Demonic, eh?

Here are two other people who wandered by that we ordered to kiss each other. I’m pretty sure they weren’t a couple, and I think they welcomed the excuse.

There are lots of nice nooks and crannies in the cave for hankie pankie…

All that was missing from the City Museum’s huge party Friday night was an orgy.

They had everything else - a huge 21-up crowd, belly dancers, a fire juggler, cocktails, mediocre wine, a campfire, a DJ, dancing, roller derby girls, live music, and yes, burlesque - definitely an “anything goes” kinda night.

You didn’t have to be high to feel heady from all the energy and giddiness that reverberated throughout the 600,000 square-foot warehouse, though plenty of people were.

Most took the op to dress up for Halloween or just bring out one of their favorite costumes - there were some yuppie polished women but for the most part it was the hip crowd and Rocky Horror-types. It was nice to have the place kidless.

The burlesque show was good, from what I could see. The first two or three standing rows could watch the dancing but most could only glimpse a head on stage bobbing around.

Awesome, awesome fun. They should throw an adults only party like this every year, with different themes. Great setting for a hot date.

Here is Jacky the Halloween sock monkey! So cute I want to eat him like candy corn.

This week I’ll be scattering little Halloween postcards throughout my posts. Here’s the first one.

I like wearing costumes and dressing up all year round. I wore the stripey socks my friend in Japan got me for the first time the other night. We met through this blog, and a while back she sent me this package of delightful Japanese things - socks, candy, crackers, TOTORO.

Thank you, m’dear! xoxo

It’s also a full moon tonight…

omg they’re making out dahfioewuiroweuio

Me: Honey, did you remember to pick up rope on your way home from work for our date tonight?
Him: 200 feet. And scissors, too.
Me: We have like six scissors already!
Him: Yeah but these are heavy duty, for emergencies. In case we need to make a quick escape.
Me: OK. (walks away) (then comes back) How many feet of rope did you say you got?
Him: 200.
Me: How many women are you tying up tonight?!
Him: As many as you want, hon.

Do I have a special treat for you! And my guy. And my girlfriend.

For weeks now my guy has been flirting with my Charlie’s Angels type girlfriend - she’s got great hair and breasts that lead me to believe that she is not of the same species as me (me = mere goddess, her = super goddess). We’re both subs, and she’s been drooling over my bondage scenes and told us she wants to “earn her stripes.” Should I sic my dom on her? Why not? She asked for it!

So tonight the three of us are going on a hot date to the big City Museum adults only bash, (such a fun and flirty place) for a little playful public grab ass in the caves and tunnels, and then coming back to the bunny rope ranch for some good old fashioned fun. Not sure how it’s gonna go, we’ve talked ahead of time about boundaries and expectations, but we’re excited to find out. This is my guy’s first non-monogamous experience (he’s never even dated more than one person at a time! he’s so cute and old-fashioned that way, but I’m doing my best to corrupt him), though my gal pal and I have fooled around before (you should see our Jackhammer Jesus pics!)

Anyway, here’s the cool part: each of us will post our perspective of the experience next week, so the blog will have special guests! I’d better tidy up around here. Stay tuned!

My friend just married a tattoo artist.

I’m pretty sure she’s the only person on this planet who is partnered with a tattoo artist and has no tattoos whatsoever. Is this true, or do you know someone else like that?

For that matter, do you know anyone with no tattoos at all? Besides me.

Speaking of, a page of tattoos for people who love books. I can’t say I love them all. The Giving Tree one is the best, but that book is so sexist.

Thanks to my sis for pointing this out:

Don’t you just love these “no alcohol” signs seen in public places? The glassware illustration choice is always amusing - like someone is going to sit around drinking black rock martinis in a park parking lot.  Well, I do have my swanky vintage traveling liquor briefcase, but I’m hardly going to sit under a bridge or on a park bench and use it. It’s better suited for a cheap motel.

1. Flight of the Conchords

2. Sarah Silverman Show

Show That Was Awesome: Arrested Development - who’s your favorite character? Mine is Buster. or Gob. Or Lucille. Lucille is a bit of a role model for me.

Show That Is Awesome: Californication - maybe. They pulled the father-dying-drama a bit too soon in the game, a topic that’s too heavy for the first season. People tuning in are all geared up for titillating vicarious sex, and don’t care enough yet about the characters to sympathize with them at that level, so that episode was just a disappointing downer. More butt plugs, please. God that Hank is sexxy, and the women are too, but they need to cut that fake boob shit out. And what’s with all the tattoos on the actors that look sortof covered up with makeup?

My pal A Corrupt Mind has tagged me with a “Get To Know You A-Z” survey floating around the net. So this post will be a little bit myspace, sorry. I’ll confess, to the the dismay of a few people out there, that I think filling out those stupid surveys and posting them as bulletins is really lame and self-indulgent. Oh wait, that’s what blogs are.

Here are the instructions: each player starts with some random facts/habits about himself/herself. As you are tagged you need to post the rules and your responses on your own blog. At the end of your post, you need to choose someone to tag, list their name and, of course, leave them a comment, telling they have been tagged and they need to read your blog for more information.

Sigh.

A-Age: 34. Each decade is better than the last.
B-Band: Okkervil River
C-Career: Sex goddess
D-Drink or Smoke: Smoking is gross. I drink like a fish.
E-Easiest friends to talk to: The ones that let me touch them.
F-Funniest moment of your life: The time I miscarried and kept seeing ladybugs and then went to see the South Park movie afterwards. OH you meant funniest as in “ha ha”?
G-Gummy bears or gummy worms: Gelatin rhymes with skeleton. I go for Sour Patch Kids.
H-Have a boyfriend/girlfriend: Sure, I’ll take both.
I-In love: Jebus that’s a personal question. What kind of cold-hearted bitch do you think I am?
J-Junk food you like: Porn
K-Kids: These are baby goats.
L-Longest ride ever: See letter “A”
M-Man/woman you love the most: Does the Hitachi Magic Wand count?
N-Names for your future kids: Samuel Justice. Especially if we end up adopting a little Chinese girl.
O-One wish you have now: To have a real live throbbing cock for a day and to fuck a beautiful woman with it bareback and blast her womb with my cum. What, you were expecting world peace?
P-Phobias: Jell-O, clowns, balloons, babies
Q-Quote (favorite): “Jealousy is all the fun you think they’re having.”
R-Reasons to smile: Being dommed and worshiped in the same day.
S-Sleeping hours: 10-6
T-Time you woke up: 5:40
U-Unknown fact about you: I pee in the shower. Now that that’s out, I suppose I’ll have to blog about it.
V-Vegetable you hate: Green peppers, they’re so immature. Oh and they’re actually fruits. Eat your veggies, people.
W-Worst habit: Picking at my fingers until they bleed.
X-X-rays you’ve had: Besides Superman’s x-ray vision? C’mon this one is a LAME stretch. How about X-rated moment? That would be The Colony…
Y-Yummy foods: Ethiopian food and cock, toss up on which I like better. I’d smear some lentils on the cock, only I don’t mix food and sex as a general rule.
Z-Zodiac sign: Pumpkin

Now I will be linking to: DrPepper Is Good 4 The Soul. I like what she has to say.

Sitting around at the Burlesque show people watching the other night, I came up with this list*:

HOT

Herringbone - Retro and sophisticated

Fishnets - If you’ve ever ran your hand up and down a person’s leg wearing them, it goes without saying

The awesome vintage pink cupcake dress -
* Best costume award *

Plaid - So autumn

Polka dots - So cute

Argyle - So sexynerdy

Stripes - So bold

Converse - Anyone can wear them and instantly become 20% sexier

Silver - Stylish, duh

Glasses - Fuck laser surgery

Buttondown shirts - Maddening

Snapshirts - Even more so

Braids - Tug on ‘em, hang on ‘em, fondle ‘em, unbraid ‘em

Beards - Tis the season!

UJeans - finally, jeans that fit because you said so

————

NOT

Leopard print - We’ve already covered this one

Feather boas - Only because they are the by-product of factory farms (I avoid leather, too, so no leather jackets either)

Vans - OK, 80% of them

Jean jackets - Not even if you’re hot

Gold - Not even teeth

Vests - Not even with fringe

Stupid facial hair - You know, like having whacked out chop sideburns or that supergroomed metrosexual facial hair line sculpting nonsense. Wolverine is exempt from this one.

.
.
* Bear in mind that I was a 34-year-old woman wearing pigtails, purple bat tights, hand-me-down Fluevog boots, and a heckuvalotta my beau’s dead wife’s sparkly costume jewelry.

Continued from previous post…

Dear Wordy Thoughtful Man,
Let’s start with my post from a few months ago, How To Eat My Pussy, even though, unfortunately, you are not inquiring about how to eat MY pussy, but rather that tricky vixen of yours.

I would say there are three main ways to get a woman off with your tongue on her clit (techniques like spelling out the Ten Commandments are too gimicky):

1. light fast licking like a cat lapping up milk from a bowl (my personal fav)
2. hardcore licking with your mouth mashed up against the cunt
3. sucking on the clit

I’m guessing you might want to try out #2, given her masturbation techniques (she gets props for being precocious). I think you’d want to rub your tongue up and down on her sweet spot as opposed to side to side or circles.

As you experiment, give each technique enough time to sink in before switching to the next pleasure test. Would you be opposed to letting her hump your nose? Can you replicate the position she assumes when she’s masturbating? For instance, it’s easiest for me to cum when I’m lying down and my legs are straight and tense, though I can get off sitting on a friendly face or standing up, it just takes longer. If she trusts you enough, blindfold her - taking one of the senses away can heighten the others and make her more in tune with what you’re doing down there.

Whenever it does seem like you’ve hit your groove be patient (we’re talking 10-20 minutes, not 2) and consistent, using the same pressure as you ride the wave out. And one last hint: DON’T do an image search for the word “tongue.” It’s enough to kill your sex drive for a week.

Good luck to you and the lucky lass!

You know the drill. Send your questions (you all are so oral!) to love [at] thebeautifulkind . com

Dear Slut,
I have had enough partners in life to become proficient with most aspects of fucking and while I’ve never regarded myself as anything great, I have had a good number of return customers and it is rare that anyone goes home with just a single in their bag.

I have always enjoyed giving head and can generally get most girls to grab my hair and pull me up telling me they want to cum with a cock in them next, which to me is a sign of a job well done.

However, I have a new young lass gracing me with her presence who is by far the greatest shag I have had bar none. I am, however, a lost man. I seem to be missing the point when it comes to munching on her and giving her a “First Rate Cunt Lapping“.

We are open enough that we have discussed it and she has told me that she has been masturbating since the age of five (having a medical background I am familiar with other cases of this, it worries parents to no end) and learnt to do it by rubbing against her blanket rather than playing with fingers. This is also her current technique.

Girls that play with fingers are all I have really had so far, so my skill set is based upon a different type of stimulation. Just wondering if you have any suggestions on technique changes that could be made so that I can blow her mind, or at least impress her with my efforts.

Some background info: She said that when I started the first time what I was doing was bloody awesome but that I “lost it” with a technique change. Annoyingly I could feel the change in her reaction but could not remember what it was i was doing to try it again (she had woken me up to sit on my face). So somewhere in my subconscious lies the answer - just thought you may have a key that may unlock an idea.

I am not one to be clinical about sex, my passion has been the one greatest thing that i have, it is something regularly commented on how passionately that I go about it. I am just enjoying myself and really get off when the body under me is trying to tear strips off my back. So maybe just an understanding of the mechanics of a rub-er and not a finger-er is what i am having trouble understanding (being without a clit of my own to experiment on).

Wow I have been accused of being verbose before, but I think I may have just taken the prize on this email.
- Chatty Bloke

Dear Wordy Thoughtful Man,
Unfortunately you have exceeded the word limit for a post, so I will reply to this tomorrow. In the meantime, does anyone want to toss out any of their own pussy eating best practices? What’s your idea of a “First Rate Cunt Lapping”?

Remember how back in July this creepy doll attacked me while I was staying at a friend’s house? You know, the room decorated with CLOWNS? Well she has attacked me twice since then, the most recent being last weekend as I napped in the bed and masturbated with a pillow over my head - WHAM she came down hard on me again.

Seeing how she finds me soo irresistible, I kidnapped her. That’s right, I smuggled her out of the state of Indiana and into the secret spy annex at my house and interrogated her. Since my guy is always tying me up and stuff, I thought it would be fun to get my own little dolly and have my way with her.

I found out her name is Anita, and she’s a sex prude - big surprise there. But that’s about all I got out of her - she’s supposed to coo and blink and giggle and all that crap but she wouldn’t cooperate. I punished her by shaking my glass dildo at her menacingly and reading Anais Nin out loud until she passed out in a state of apoplectic shock at hearing about Bijou’s “sex” being licked by her lesbian lover in an opium den. I didn’t even get to the story where the father of the manor molests his two daughters playing “peek a boo” in the sheets, sheesh.

I took her to the local doll repair shop to see if they could help me get more information out of her, but naturally they sided with her and this huge Victorian doll army went after me, so I got the hell out of there. Porcelain faces, synthetic sausage curls, rosebud lips, lacy frocks…. >shudder.< Can you imagine spending the night in this little shop of horrors?

For now, I’m keeping her locked up in my garage until  I can figure out what to do with her. I sure as hell don’t want her lurking around my house sucking the sex karma out of it. Seriously, this doll has issues.