The Beautiful Kind

OK, is this a joke? A friend sent me a website promoting a German scent that’s supposed to smell like pussy - it’s called V U L V A. (Warning: Clicking on the link will subject you to fake tits and cheesy music.)

The fine folks at VULVA specifically instruct you to apply “a tiny amount of the precious liquid” to the back of your hand, and acknowledge that it can be used to enhance the experience of a man whacking off solo (oops, I mean “stimulate the cinematic visions of the imagination during self-stimulation.”) That has to be their target audience, cuz why would a woman buy it?! Talk about a renewable resource - just rub your hand in your crotch if you want Pussy Palm. (Or make your own using stuff lying around the kitchen like this guy does.)

The video intro on the home page is laughable - why is this dude sitting around sniffing his hand when he’s got two naked chicks writhing around behind him? And it took me listening to the tagline at the end of the video to get their too-clever url: smellmeand.com - it’s not smellmeanddotcom huh? — it’s smellmeandcum OHHH!

In the “tips” section of the website, it advises, “Keep VULVA away from children.” And if “Original” scent is too tame for you, they’re working on two new flavors - “Exotic” and “Eighteen.” Mmm, nothing better than barely legal muff, presented in a virginal white box. And who will be modeling the “Exotic” flavor? Someone from Tahiti I hope. I can’t wait for them to come out with “Ripe” and “Sanguine.” I’m so glad I can just sit around in my underwear all day and sniff my crotch whenever I want. It’s so precious and all.