Meatcentric America
Filed under: Vexed - August 30, 2007 @ 8:30 am
I’ve been traveling a lot lately, and – newsflash - every American-style restaurant is PACKED with meat. It’s annoying as shit.
One place in mid-Missouri called the Apple Barrel had a buffet that was loaded with sliced cow swimming in gravy, turkey, fried chicken, pig chops - so many species represented, it could have been a petting zoo if it weren’t for the fact that all the critters were grossly mutilated. They also had a salad bar as an afterthought that featured the whitest lettuce I’ve ever seen. Seriously, it was like ghost lettuce. Apple Barrel, my ass, more like the Meat Barrel. We only stayed long enough to piss in their fly-happy bathroom.
And most restaurants even put meat in all their vegetable dishes. Beans, greens, hash browns - they’re all tainted with pig juice and muscle fibers.
Everywhere you go, meat dominates the scene – billboards, close ups of ribs coated with shiny corn syrup, it even seeps up your nostrils when you pass a stupid chain (I swear Applebee’s has such a rib fetish – I’ll bet they even serve rib pie.) And what’s with the term “baby back ribs” anyway? Do people pretend like they’re eating their own young when they gnaw on the bones?
Even traveling dignitaries get the American experience. Regarding the impending visit of a diplomat from another country, a White House rep was quoted saying, “He’ll get to choose between hamburgers and hot dogs!” It’s very easy to imagine this being said in a white trash accent.
Thank god for ethnic restaurants.
Sidenote: Another huge dominator in our culture is alcohol. I have a friend who doesn’t drink (in fact, he thinks drinking is morally wrong) and he gets as annoyed as I do with all the meat when it comes to all the beer ads, alcohol in movies, happy hours, booze at most social events – but since I’m a big lush this doesn’t bother me.
August 30th, 2007 at 9:12 am
You should try Bulgarian food, it’s the best
August 30th, 2007 at 10:22 am
Think of all those innocent hops which perish merely to feed your desires!
August 30th, 2007 at 10:22 am
I love meat, especially bacon. I could eat a pound of bacon everyday for breakfast. I hate vegetables, but I don’t get annoyed by vegetables or vegetarians. Why do you think it’s so hard for you to accept people different from you?
August 30th, 2007 at 11:19 am
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August 31st, 2007 at 12:30 pm
William, Dr. Atkins would be proud of you. I love the taste of bacon too, but I know that it was shaved off a pig’s ass, and when I drive behind one of the slaughter trucks hauling the poor swines to their untimely demise, it’s hard for me to imagine drooling over their fat and blood dredged in salt.
Also I have a “live and let live” policy, which means I can deal with you wearing crocs, listening to heavy metal, writing shitty poetry or being obsessed with sports, but when needless suffering comes into play, “humorously annoying” becomes “inexcusable.” Goes along with my aversions to dog fighting, child abuse, female circumcision, and serial killers.
September 1st, 2007 at 12:06 pm
William, Williaaaam (hehe I’m covering a Smith’s song),
You do seem rather annoyed with us vegetarians, so don’t be wondering why we’re annoyed right back at you!
TBK, beautiful response.
September 1st, 2007 at 1:48 pm
Dear Beautiful Kind,
I do not wear crocs nor am I obsessed with sports. Admittedly, I sometimes listen to “heavy metal” music, but I also listen to nearly everything else. It seems to me that you’re living in a world of stereotypes and enjoy doing so because it’s a short cut to real thinking.
Dear Moonbeam,
How is it that I seemed annoyed with vegetarians per se–considering the fact that I explicitly stated the contrary?
Perhaps, I am annoyed by judgmental world views, but that its certainly not limited to vegetarians.
September 24th, 2007 at 9:24 pm
Beef.
September 27th, 2007 at 7:25 am
Dick.