The Beautiful Kind

Dear Slut,
Since it’s summer and the city’s been in heatwave mode, any thoughts on tanlines? Me, I think I like them.
- Into 2-Tone

Dear Linespotter,
When you say tanlines, you mean this:

and not this:

right? OK, got it. First of all, you’ll be glad to know I scored the top pic from a blog featuring tanlines, so you can go check it out.

I can’t say I’m a big fan of tanlines. I avoid the sun and slather on sunscreen. I can’t understand why some women glue themselves to a poolside chair every summer, and I sure as hell don’t understand why someone would pay money to bake in a tanning bed. I know a lot of women tan in order to disguise blemishes, so to me a dark tan is like wearing too much makeup - makes the person look insecure. I prefer people’s natural skin color, and as you can tell from my sometimes Casper-like panty shots, I like for my skin to be uniform.

That said, I found this definition of “cleavite” on the Hot Chicks With Douchebags website to be charming:

Cleavite is not cleavage, and the two shall never be confused. Cleavite is the area of a woman’s cleavage that is paler than the rest due to less exposure to the sun. It is all that is holy and good in the universe. It tempts us with what is forbidden yet is being subtly and coyly revealed. It promises us wonders and worlds of exploration hidden behind that thin layer of fabric.

Yep, tanlines highlight the naughty bits. Now go ahead and imagine yourself rubbing sunscreen on the shoulders and back of that woman you saw wearing a bikini top yesterday at the Farmer’s Market. Yummy.