Sock Monkeys Make Good Rape Whistles
Filed under: Heebie Jeebies - June 28, 2007 @ 7:53 am
The other day I was hanging out at a coffee shop waiting for my drink, when this weird guy came up and started hitting on me. At first he acted like he knew me, but oops he got me mixed up with someone else. I told him I was from out of town.
This would have been a good moment for him to move on, but instead he told me he lived right around the corner and kept staring at me, waiting for me to say something. This was awkward, as I had absolutely nothing to say to him and I didn’t much like knowing that his lair was nearby.
Suddenly my instincts kicked in, and I grabbed the sock monkey that was sticking out of my bag and said, “This is my sock monkey. He likes to go wherever I go.” And then I started petting the monkey.
This finally prompted him to excuse himself, mumbling “have a nice day.”
Phew.
June 28th, 2007 at 8:09 am
That’s fucking awesome. I now find myself wishing I had a sock monkey.
June 28th, 2007 at 9:41 am
Brilliant!
June 28th, 2007 at 11:38 am
Grace under pressure…nice move BTK.
me thinks he would have prefered you pet his sock monkey and thus was offended when you pulled out a substitute.
June 28th, 2007 at 11:56 am
Meow! This is just excellent, TBK.
I wish J and I had a sock monkey (or at least a stuffed toy) when some dumb adolescent started hitting on us coupla days ago.
July 2nd, 2007 at 9:38 am
It has been my long-time plan to act mentally disabled or feign a seizure if someone ever tried to rape me. This shows great promise for the strategy!
July 3rd, 2007 at 6:39 am
Oh yes, Jen, I’ve had success with that. Stay tuned for that story.
July 3rd, 2007 at 12:05 pm
My just-in-case plan includes telling potential rapists that I’m menstruating and also have HIV. If he pulls out a condom, acting interested, using a deep-relaxation voice and then kicking him in the balls. Do you think that’s doable?
July 12th, 2007 at 10:31 am
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