Things I Should Love But Don’t
Filed under: Vexed - May 22, 2007 @ 8:42 am
1. The Hudsucker Proxy. Yeah, it has that classic line, “You know, for kids!” but that movie put me to sleep. I wasn’t impressed with the characters or the zany storyline. Or maybe it was because it was 11pm, WAY past my bedtime. Or maybe it was the person I watched it with. Yawn.
2. The Royal Tenenbaums. Oh so quirky. Oh so not holding my interest. Perhaps if there had been more incest…
3. Jennifer Jason Leigh. Even if she does go topless often enough, she gets on my nerves.
4. Parker Posey. She’s the indie darling, but man does she give off a weird vibe.
5. Hamsters. Their cuteness does not help me forget that they are loner cannibals.
6. Other people’s kids. I’m inclined to trip them or let them run out in the street.
7. Cheesecake. This one is the most ridiculous, but I can hardly choke it down, even if it’s that turtle kind.
8. Tori Amos. That fiery red hair, the Joker lips, the genius…but she bleats like a sheep.
9. Gwen Stefani. She dresses like a freak and has tiny tits, BUT she’s another bleater.
10. Anal sex. I’m workin’ on it, I’m workin’ on it. Sheesh.
May 22nd, 2007 at 9:30 am
bizarro,
i was just going to tell you about tori amos’ new song “big wheel” in which she repeats the line:
“I-I-I am a M-I-L-F
Don’t you forget
M-I-L-F
Don’t you forget
M-I-L-F
Don’t you forget”
So she sure is proud of it :).
May 22nd, 2007 at 1:28 pm
Hey, just a suggestion … there are some lubricants that supposedly also work as a topical anaesthetic. Haven’t tried them, because I decidedly gave up on anal sex after the first try many years ago.
May 22nd, 2007 at 1:47 pm
Aww Lolita, you’re sweet, but that stuff only numbs the cock and smells funny. And I don’t want to numb anything - I want to FEEL it all, and get to a point where I’m relaxed enough and it doesn’t hurt. The anal sex book I have says that anal sex shouldn’t hurt at all, and if it does, stop, but I’ve done it successfully 3 times (out of about 15 attempts) and those 3 times it still hurt, but I got past the pain and it became intensely pleasurable. Gosh I’m babbling.
May 22nd, 2007 at 8:14 pm
Wow. TBK, if you discover how to not feel pain, could you please post some advice? The one time I did it I managed to get past the pain for just about 2 minutes. Then it became unbearable. I like occasional anal orgasms, but hm … not with that kind of pain.
May 23rd, 2007 at 8:34 am
what’s wrong with tiny tits?? I love them all as I think most guys (if they’re honest) do also.
Seems kinda hypocritical TBK for you to make a point that Gwen has tiny tits while other posts you’ve done advocate body acceptance for women. (and rightly so I might add.)
Who cares that het tits are tiny, she has class, style, and self confidence…that’s why she’s a sexy mutha fukah.
May 23rd, 2007 at 8:45 am
You goof! I LIKE that she dresses like a freak and has tiny tits (like me!)- you missed the word “but”
She dresses like a freak and has tiny tits, BUT she’s another bleater.
See, despite her style and confidence, I don’t like how she sings, hence I’m not the fan I should be.
And for the record, I like big tits fine, too.
May 23rd, 2007 at 9:25 am
Haha…I am a goof…no doubt. ( and clever too.)
What’s a bleater btw?
May 23rd, 2007 at 9:35 am
OK so you know how a sheep sounds, baaa, well really it sounds more like ba-ha-ha, there’s a waver in their cry. Tori and Gwen have that same bleating quality that I suppose is a sign of their superior singing skills, but it just annoys me.
May 23rd, 2007 at 11:21 am
tks for the clarification TBK. Now about those big tits…
May 23rd, 2007 at 8:32 pm
I cannot believe what I have just read.
See my myspace page for the Hanukkah Jones Band, as but one example of what hamsters are doing for the betterment of all Missouriens. I don’t hear any bands named after any other animals trying as hard to defrock the governor.
Cats? Apolitical at best, if they can be trusted at all.
Dogs? Running down the street after a ball Jerry Falwell faked throwing 30 years ago.
Hamsters aren’t just cute- they’re a political force to reckon with. And they can fit large masses in their pouches. As cool as Dennis Kucinich is, he can’t even do that.
May 25th, 2007 at 1:29 am
My own personal “good tips for anal sex (so to speak)” list
* Of course, use lots of lube (probe is the best ever).
* Give lots of stimulation in the general area first. Don’t go straight for insertion. Move lubed fingers around, and press and stroke rather than poking or prodding.
* Go slooooowly.
* When the head of the penis is in, just wait. Move in a gently rocking motion, rather than thrusting or pushing. Have him push his penis down, i.e. towards your vagina, instead of up towards your tailbone. Have him move his penis side to side a little bit.
* When you want it further in, push out like you’re (and there really isn’t a nice way to talk about doing a poo) going for a large dump. This makes the muscles on all the overlapping sphincter muscles relax in unison (it’s when they don’t relax that it hurts). This is a secret trick!
BUT
* Don’t feel like you have to do it! Don’t do it so you can achieve “having done anal sex!” Don’t do it because somebody else wants to fuck you in the arse and you’re half-hearted!
* Only do it because you WANT to - you like how it feels (or think you will) or you love the naughty idea of it (etc) and would like to try it out.
Have fun, ladies and lads!
May 25th, 2007 at 2:31 am
P.S. I like Parker Posey. She’s hot and weird
November 3rd, 2008 at 5:36 pm
update on #10: I FUCKING LOVE IT NOW. praise jesus