Lapdancing
Filed under: Book Slut, Eros - May 21, 2007 @ 7:54 amA friend lent me an intriguing photo essay book called Lapdancer by Juliana Beasley. The photographer is a dancer who interviews patrons, bouncers, and other dancers, gathering different perspectives in an attempt to satisfy questions such as: What kind of person would engage in this type of eroticism? Naturally, reading the essays only leads to more questions.
The photos accurately capture the sleazy enviro, and it’s interesting how the author lines up several images of patron’s pimply, sullen faces in a row, as if to suggest mug shots. The book ends with her account of the club where she worked getting raided, and all the dancers being charged with prostitution. Ironically, a bouncer comments in one of the essays:
I sit and see a girl in the lap dance room with a guy, and he’ll put like $1200 on his credit card. My question is, “Well Jesus, he’s there for all this while, why the hell doesn’t he just get an escort?” That’s the million dollar question. We often wonder that around here. Because I can speak for myself. If I was not married or I had problems with my wife, instead of coming here and spending $400-500 and then going home with a big old hard on, I would probably get an escort that’s kind of classy, and pay the $500 for I don’t know how long. And then I’m definitely going to get what I went there for.
That’s what I’m talking about - I think strip clubs are just big teases and not very sexy. The oddest thing I noticed as I read the book is that I kept forgetting that I have first hand experience on the subject. I had to keep reminding myself that I lapdanced years ago. I was probably trying to disassociate myself from the whole thing - the hustling, the groping, the regulars constantly trying to get you to meet them outside the club… Because yeah, the book accurately captured how depressing it all is - it’s the ultimate example of wanting what you can’t have, and settling for unsatisfying scraps.
May 21st, 2007 at 11:37 am
Sounds so interesting. I’ll have to add it to my summer reading list. Thanks for mentioning it.
A book I heard about last month and am planning to read is called “G-Strings and Sympathy”. It’s a doctoral dissertation by a former stripper (see http://www.amazon.com/G-Strings-Sympathy-Strip-Regulars-Desire/dp/product-description/0822329727).
As for why men prefer lap dancing and strip clubs to the real thing — according to the pervert who was my sociology professor this last semester, it’s because many people are drawn to so-called liminal roles. Those are gray areas where the rules are nebulous. You’d think men just want sex. But nooooo. That would be too simple. They’d rather have what seems like a promise or an opportunity for sex.
May 21st, 2007 at 2:02 pm
Whatever happened to the good ol’ corner hooker looking for a quick buck and the back of a hand. Now that was some old school pimpin’ fo sho…
May 21st, 2007 at 2:19 pm
I think you mean liminable, Lolita.
May 21st, 2007 at 8:03 pm
I would like to know what evidence your sociology professor has for that analysis. I think it’s BS.
Give any man this choice: sex with a beautiful young girl with out the possibility of negative consequences (arrest, disease, wife finding out etc.) or a lap dance from the same girl. I think we all can predict the results of this study.
May 22nd, 2007 at 6:16 am
No, I actually do mean “liminal.” For more on the concept of liminality (hanging in between two worlds), see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Liminality. It’s a concept often used in gender and sexuality studies. I don’t like to cite Wikipedia, but it’s convenient.
My sociology professor does qualitative research, so it’s not like he can prove that 2+2=4. It’s just an idea, a proposition, a theory … nobody claims it to be the ultimate truth.
Lapdancing just adds to the variety of sexuality outlets that are “in between”. Most sexual choices require the guy to pay something, let’s face it. Lapdancing is a pretty expensive one, but mainstream dating isn’t cheap either. I just pulled the following from an article called “The Purchase of Intimacy”:
“…most cultures mingle sexual relations and forms of payment, and establish differentiated continua of such relations: ranging from prostitution to marriage and ‘going on an expensive date where it is evident that sexual favors are expected at the other end.’”
Whew! Now I don’t feel so crazy for insisting on going Dutch or taking turns buying dinner. I mean, why should I let a man pay for my food and entertainment? If he gets sex, it should be because I’m crazy about him and want sexual gratification as much as he does — not because of his “gentlemanly” generosity. Sounds disgusting to me. Just my personal opinion.
May 22nd, 2007 at 10:10 am
Why did Herod offer half his kingdom just to have Salome dance? It always ends up costing more than expected. For a man a titty bar is heaven on earth. Women prancing erotically and acting as if they are interested in you for a buck? It’s cheaper than Disneyland. My advice would be to enjoy the show and always tip the performers well. They work hard and are exploited by the clubs. In violation of federal tax laws they are claimed by the establishments to be independent contractors thereby avoiding contribution to FICA as well as any workers compensation laws. By definition an independent contractor works when and how she wishes. In the clubs the girls are virtual slaves. Would any other entertainer have to work soley for tips and then have to pay out large percentages to the club for the privilege? It makes sense to avoid the costly tease of private dances…there is NO sex in the champagne room. As you say, for the cost of a series of private dances you can purchase full sex on the open market. Even for men sometimes it is not all about penetration. The male brain tends to idle in the limbic system, the reptilian brain. We are visually oriented. We like to watch. The tease of the chase is more exciting than the messy reality of the kill. The reality of sex involves performance anxiety and other psychological issues. The idealized fantasy with its endless possibility can trump the post coital depression of unsatisfying relations with a sex worker or civilian for that matter. As stated in ZARDOZ, Sean Connery’s best acted movie (he sports a braided pony tail down to his ass and is nearly naked throughout most of the film), “Sex is a violent convulsive act that defiles women and betrays men.” That may be true but isn’t it the greatest?
May 22nd, 2007 at 3:10 pm
Why don’t they have pics of women who go to strip clubs and who pay for lap dances??? Sexist! And yes they clearly do exist. Why would I pay for lap dances? Because it is hard to find lesbian or bi escorts (and it could land me in jail!) and because sometimes I need to be that close to a woman and don’t always have a gf around to get with me. There are NOT that many women ok with a friends with benefits relationship either. If you find some who are, point them in MY direction, k?
And what is so wrong with men getting a lap dance, really? Men can go and spend some time with a hot lady, not be cheating on their wives but still enjoy a different woman for awhile, and then go back home and get off with their wife. It’s one scenario, anyway.
May 23rd, 2007 at 9:47 pm
I don’t think you can generalize about clubs being sexy or not. Each one is different. Some are sexy and fun and some are depressing and unsexy. It depends on the decor, the dancers, the patrons and the general ambience. As to why some men would pay more for lapdances than it would take to get well laid by a classy prostitute; lots of reasons such as safety, not wanting to cheat (as they define it), finding the fantasy more satisfying than the reality, not wanting to do anything illegal. To that last point, it is very unusual today to find anything illegal happening in a strip club. This is big business now with each club (if it is to be competitive) a multi-million dollar investment. The owners will not tolerate any real hanky-panky.