The Beautiful Kind

About once a week I get a message on myspace from a guy looking for an mff (male/female/female) threesome. They usually go something like this:

married couple here thinks your hot

First of all, nothing turns me off more than using the word “your” when you should use “you’re.” So whenever I read a sentence like that (which is very fucking often) I read it like this

married couple here thinks your (I’M AN ILLITERATE IDIOT, TURN OFF, TURN OFF) hot

For some reason these guys dropping me caveman grunt lines like this annoy me. I mean, it’s perfectly understandable that they have this fantasy and want to make it come true, but it always makes me feel like they think all the women on myspace are mere objects waiting to be used for their pleasure. I used to just delete these messages without responding, but usually the guy would circle back like a shark in a month and drop me another lame line.

But now I’ve found a way to make them stop bothering The Beautiful Kind. I respond back with

I’m available for 300/hr.

I’ve tried it twice and it freaked the dudes out both times. Ahh, now I get it!

1. They’re just horny and whacking off while perusing myspace profiles and are not really serious about dragging you into their bedroom - but they do think it’s OK to drag you into their stupid fantasy world.

2. They’re cheap bastards.

PS: I also hate when a guy wants to add me as a friend and I look at his page of friends and they’re all hot chicks. It’s like they’re a bunch of trophies he’s collecting to prove his studliness. Um, no thanks, I don’t want my stuffed head added to the wall of false conquests.