Ask The Slut: Do American Men Want to be Dominated?
Filed under: Ask The Slut - May 18, 2007 @ 4:43 am
Dear Slut,
I have a sex culture question: Do most American men have the dream of being taken advantage of? Does it have anything to do with geography, i.e., would it apply to men in New York, for instance? Just curious.
- Russian Goddess
Dear Russian Goddess,
Since I’ve only had sex with about half the U.S. population as opposed to all, I’m not sure if I can accurately answer this one, but I’ll try. Also, feedback from male readers would be appreciated. I’ve found that pretty much men dream of whatever they aren’t getting. So if they have to be the boss at work, they like to be bossed in the bedroom. If they aren’t getting laid, they want to get laid, preferably by more than one woman at once. If their partner is an older woman, they fantasize about being with someone younger. If their best friend has a hot mom and they aren’t fucking her, they would very much like for her to seduce them when they unexpectedly walk in on her sunbathing nude by the pool. In other words, most men want it all. Which, I have to admit, I can relate to.
People tend to lean in one direction (dom or sub) though some people can assume both roles, given the mood. But not always! One time I saw a dom guy, very aggressive in the bedroom, get blindfolded and tied to a pool table so five (FIVE!) beautiful women could ravage him, and you could tell he didn’t like it one bit. But I suppose a lot of men could get into that, ey?
And though I haven’t been to New York yet but desperately need to get there so I can experience the wealth of vegetarian restaurants, I’m pretty confident that the number of men who want a woman to sit on their face is even higher than here in the midwest, since everyone in New York is a total freak. And if you’re from New York, please don’t ruin my fantasy by commenting that you are not a total freak.
Send your questions to love [at] thebeautifulkind . com
May 18th, 2007 at 7:14 am
Thanks for the great response, TBK.
I think BDSM is a fun fantasy. My best non-American friend is into it, so I send him spanking jokes when I find good ones. Domineering women in black leather are his favorite. In 1998, he and I spent five hours looking at BDSM porn online on a Sunday at my job. That caused a small scandal, but as a star employee I didn’t get fired (wouldn’t it be embarrassing to get fired for helping a friend enjoy his fantasies and getting excited along the way?).
My friend is happily married, and as far as I know, he has never lived his BDSM fantasies to a full extent. His wife doesn’t want to have bruises for a week, and neither does he. But despite his BDSM fantasy, he was never a pussy (excuse me, I mean he was never a dick). He had several intense relationships, was perfectly good at making eye contact with women, communicating what he wants and doesn’t want, saying sweet things, initiating physical contact … in other words, doing all the evolutionary things that men do when they want regular sex or even just sex.
Here is what bums me: It’s only in America that there are so many books about “figuring out what he wants” or “what to do when he doesn’t call.” Gee! With non-Americans, there is no need to figure out anything, other than how to keep their hands away from your butt. Those men are merciless hunters even if/when they want to be tied to a table and ravaged by five beautiful women.
It’s just that I’m lazy and spoiled. It’s much more fun to worry about keeping someone’s hands off my butt than wondering “what to do when he doesn’t call.”
May 18th, 2007 at 8:38 am
I’m not into dom or sub, but I find nothing wrong at all with you sitting on my face. Provided you’re free of all manner of clothing.
May 18th, 2007 at 8:42 am
New Yorkers may well be freaky, but you’d never know, since they’ve all been driven underground by the bland, banal middle American onslaught of ersatz hipsters and Wall Street clones drawn in by the boom of the late ’90s. If it’s full-scale freaky you’re looking for, I heartily recommend Montreal, the real Sin City of the western hemisphere.
May 18th, 2007 at 1:57 pm
I am sooo darn wrong sometimes! The guy I’m dating just sent me the following email:
“I haven’t received an email from you today, so as “punishment” I am forced to give you another compliment. I noticed from the pictures (and also in person) that your eyes are amazing.”
Gee! Love that “punishment”. I just don’t know how he came up with that, since I’ve never mentioned my BDSM porn story to him. Hm … and what other “punishments” might he be forced to give? I’m intrigued.
May 18th, 2007 at 2:15 pm
Great response. I hadn’t seen a better description of what men really want. Nevertheless - there are some “catalysts” and “inhibitors”. And a good BDSM scene can help the reaction.
I bet that lolita was not just helping her friend but was rather intrigued in the topic. And seems to have explored the topic later on.
May 18th, 2007 at 3:27 pm
You’re so predictable! I knew you were going to pick “Humbert Humbert” as your alias. Had I chosen “O”, you would have been Rene.
Okay Humbert, now that I sent you the link to this blog, are you going to blackmail me into doing some international phone sex to keep you from revealing my darkest secrets?
May 18th, 2007 at 10:55 pm
Loli,
You can start biding right away - try to please me and I will stick only to the appetizers on your career in kinky business.
I bet that you have a couple of nice ideas (both for the compensation and for the stories to come/c*m).
And no comment on the BDSM part - not nice, you have so much to share, be it solely on spanking. BAD GIRL…
May 18th, 2007 at 11:09 pm
Back to the Topic on domination - BDSM is all about teasing and the feeling that the other one projects to you.
My experience (with Loli as well) shows that you can explore your dark side once you meet someone that raises the heat with the appropriate dexterity. Hunters hunt the deers that go to where hunters go…
May 19th, 2007 at 5:09 am
Humbert, you’re ruining my reputation as a serious woman!
Not to mention that you and I haven’t actually DONE anything unless you count playing with each other’s hands in the 7:00 a.m. International Trade class or all those amazing neck massages. That’s not even kinky! Also, spanking is a form of violence, which I COMPLETELY denounce.
See, I’m going to deny everything. Don’t make me email your wife now.