The Beautiful Kind

The facts:

1. Every Saturday afternoon all the little Orthodox Jewish boys in the neighborhood gather in the common ground behind my house to play ball.

2. Yesterday was no exception. I could hear them merrily playing from my bedroom.

3. I masturbate daily.

4. Yesterday was no exception. I was on the bed with my vibrator, enjoying some alone time.

5. When I’m alone, I like to let loose and have a good holler, so I yelled “FUCK YEAH!” as I came. I wasn’t planning on yelling that, it’s just how I was feeling in the heat of the moment.

The one fact I overlooked:

1. Since it was such a lovely day, I had the window open.

I realized this when it suddenly went quiet out there and I heard one of the boys say, “What was that?”

Hopefully they just thought it was some guy watching sports on TV. My dad makes disturbing noises like that when the Dallas Cowboys make a touchdown.