The Beautiful Kind

I went to the History Museum last month with my ex-boyfriend.

While we made our rounds, he confessed to me, “You know, the last time I was here, I was 24 years old, and my girlfriend at the time was a 36 year old woman. The only thing I remember about that visit is that I had an erection the entire time we were here. Every time we turned a corner, she would rub up on me and kiss me, and I couldn’t think of anything except getting back to the car. Oh, and I died of the influenza at the Back in Time exhibit.”

We left and when we got back in the car, he said, “LOOK, see, it happened again!” And he whipped out his pink torpedo to show off the Pavlovian turgidness.

“Jesus would you put that away!” I exclaimed. Then, as an afterthought, I muttered, “And don’t give me the goddamn flu, either.”