What Would Jesus Do?
Filed under: Vexed - October 24, 2006 @ 6:32 am
1. He’d tell you to ditch your family and career to follow him, without even saying goodbye. (”And he said unto another, Follow me. But he said, Lord suffer me first to go and bury my father. Jesus said unto him, Let the dead bury their dead. And another also said, Lord, I will follow thee; but first let me go bid them farewell, which are at home at my house. And Jesus said unto him, No man, having put his hand to the plow, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God.: Luke 9:59-62)
2. He’d tell you that if someone steals $5 from you, to give them $10. WTF?
3. He’d tell you not to resist an attacker, but to let him abuse you again. WTF?
4. If you were his mother, he’d dis you. (Jesus to Mary: “Woman, what have I to do with thee?” John 2:1-4)
5. He”d refuse to heal a sick child because she was a gentile, but her mother begged enough and he finally helped out, but then exploited the occasion by giving a speech on the power of faith. Um, right.
6. He’d favor Jews over Christians (”For salvation is of the Jews.” John 4.22)
7. He’d be sexist. No woman was a disciple and no woman would sit at his table in heaven.
8. He’d give you a thumbs up if you castrated yourself, especially “for the kingdom of heaven’s sake.” Matt. 19:12. Ooh, go for it! I dare you 
9. If you weren’t doing what he wanted, he’d lose patience with you and yell at you. (Jesus to disciples: “O faithless and perverse generation, how long shall I suffer you?” Matt. 17:17)
10. He’d sponge off you for food and lodging. Dude, get a job.
11. If you didn’t give him what he wanted, he’d kill you. When Jesus came upon a fig tree that bore no fruit, he cursed it: “Let no fruit grow on thee henceforward forever.” Matt. 21:19. And then the innocent tree withered on the spot. Bully!
12. He’d speak insincerely. How can someone who claims to be “meek and lowly in heart” also claim to be God, sent by God, and will return in clouds of glory to claim a kingdom? That’s meek?
13. He’d be intentionally devious. John 7:2-14
14. He’d be overbearing, condescending, impatient, heartless, smug, vengeful, scornful, quick-tempered. Not exactly the traits associated with a deity overflowing with love and compassion.
15. He’d tell you to be sure to believe that someone else bought your way into heaven by being tortured to death, a death in which you had a hand. Be comfortable in that concept of salvation. Hallelujah!
October 24th, 2006 at 8:51 am
I think there are two jesus figures: jesus of the church and jesus of history. The chauvanistic patriarchs have bastardized the words of jesus. They manipulated and rewrote his teachings to fit their own power structure. If you go through and read the apocrypha, you’ll find that jesus was quite the social revolutionist. He tried to do away with the old jewish laws that subjugated women. Unfortunately his feminist qualities were all removed from the public eye. Your angst is better aimed at the church and the religion.