The Beautiful Kind

I really hate trophies. They’re usually gold and gaudy, not to mention that the word conjurs up images of trophy wives (also often gold and gaudy) and mounted animal heads.

Here is what you can get a trophy for: rugby, soccer, cricket, golf, making a good movie, beautiful baby contest, good attendance, spelling bee, bike riding, driving a car really fast, running for a really long time, eating a shitload of tamales, and being way too muscular.

My dad used to teach tae kwon do, and one time the studio moved, and they threw away a bunch of useless trophies. My dad couldn’t bear to see the discarded and unloved trophies heaped in the trash bin, so he dragged them all out and brought them home. Now they’re in his basement.