The Beautiful Kind

1. My dad thinking that Muslims are taking over the United States, even though he doesn’t know a single one in real life.

2. Those little shrines with crosses, fake flowers, and teddy bears set up along roadsides to pay tribute to departed loved ones. Can’t people deal with their grief in a more aesthetically pleasing way?

3. The fact that J Lo wears fox fur eyelashes and has chinchilla bedspreads.

4. I’ve been to Maine at least 6 times and I’ve never seen a moose. Or a loon.

5. Those “Support Our Troops” ribbons on cars and all the take-offs, EVEN the one for the Humane Society.

6. My aunt saying to me, “Sure I feel sad when I see cattle on trucks being hauled off to slaughter, but then I think, if we didn’t eat them, they wouldn’t even get a life at all. Have you ever thought of that?”

7. Those trendy rubbery illness advocacy bracelets. I would wear one for progeria, though.

8. When people (OK, men mostly) talk like cavemen on IM (hi how r u? 36 m st louis u? grunt grunt)

9. SUVs that have “Bush/Cheney” stickers, especially ones in front of me, because it’s sooo tempting to run into them, even though they’re like a tank. And ooh I hate it when one SUV moves away from me, only to be replaced by another one. Or being surrounded by them. Or parking next to one. I’ve heard about two non-violent ways to deal with SUVs - deflate their tires, or put bumper stickers on them that say, “Ask me about how I’m changing the environment!”

10. Angels.