The Beautiful Kind

Why is it that every time I visit family, I end up getting things I don’t want? Such as pictures of babies I’m somewhat related to. I don’t really like babies. Tonight I went over to my parents house, and now there’s a sombrero in my car. Next time I make a clothing donation at one of those drop boxes, I’m going to shove the sombrero in there, and the clothing sorters will resent me.

I also receive unwanted bags of lettuce, boxes of donuts, and soda cans. The lettuce is because I’m vegetarian and they think it’s a good match, the donuts are because they only wanted to eat two of the donuts and now they need to get the rest out of the house pronto - sure, I’ll put those on my hips instead of yours, anything I can do to help. The soda cans are my doing - I obsessively dig through my families trash cans, trying to recycle for six people. SIX PEOPLE THAT DRINK A CASE OF SODA A DAY AND DON’T CARE.

Last week I was given a picture of my dead grandmother in her coffin - what am I supposed to do with it? Display it on my desk at work? I have to say, she has the loveliest complexion I’ve ever seen on a corpse, all peaches and cream. It goes well with her coral lipstick and melon suit. If the timing was right, I could have put the sombrero in her coffin, explaining to nearby mourners that she always wanted to go to Mexico.